Sun. May 22, 2005

It wasn't the absolute worst KPTV 10 o'clock "news" show I've ever seen, but that's only because it wasn't aired during a Sweeps Week. They really kick out all the stops for those. Tonight's "news" show was a fine example of USDA Prime Tabloid Trash, nevertheless.

The lead story was about a "domestic violence sweep." Local cops went around and visited victims of recent domestic violence crimes, checking to see how they were doing. They also handed out copies of an emergency phone list, a copy of which KPTV's "reporter" brandished as his prop for the story. As it's staying light later these days and the sun appeared to be already down in the video for the story, I'm guessing that it was not shot today (I don't think there would have been enough time between sundown and 10 o'clock to have shot and edited the piece).

The Juggernaut of Fear rolled on. Before the first commercial break, we were treated to stories about an abused baby, yet another story about the cop-involved shooting from the other day (which gave us zero new information) and a non-story titled Crime On The Rise? which provided no statistics or fact which would help us resolve that question.

We were also privileged to see two stories about people rescued (one at the shore, one in the mountains), a piece about a "Taser Controversy" which concerned Portland police getting hundreds of those supposedly non-lethal weapons (the nature of the "controversy" was never explained, by the way. Catchy title for a story, though, huh?) and the inevitable Meth Watch segment. This, too, gave us no real new information. It was a recap of previous stories about upcoming laws concerning meth creation.

Before going to the first commercials, we got a story about kids at Taft Middle School who have created a video program to encourage other kids not to do meth. This, too, was a total recap of a story KPTV presented days ago, with no new information added. Well, no one can say that KPTV doesn't support recycling.

After the break, we got a story about how meth *might* be involved in the disappearance of two kids in Idaho (their dead relatives had drugs in their systems, it seems.) We were showed tape of the surviving relatives talking to "Geraldo" (who has apparantly ascended to the pantheon of celebrities who are known by a single name, like Cher, Charo and Siegfried and Roy). This report was brought to us by "Dan Springer, Fox News." Hey, wasn't he "KPTV's Dan Springer" just last night when he gave us that fast-breaking "Cougars vs Dogs" story? Wow, that guy sure changes jobs fast! OR someone just forgot to trim the audio where he mentioned his real employer. I report, you decide.

The "America Tonight" feature once again gave us a roundup of what must be the most important stories in America today:

*A missing young girl was found alive in Florida
*A toddler was killed in Georgia
*A hiker was rescued in Arizona where it was 112 degrees
*An ice cream truck driver with a history of sex offenses was arrested for approaching childrem in New Hampshire
*The media has found the guy who provided the finger in the Wendy's Chili story
*A pregnant girl defied her Catholic high school's administration and walked across the stage at graduation in Alabama

Yeah, it was pretty thin soup, but it's better than what KPTV gave us as "World News":

*A deadly bus crash in Peru
*A "toilet museum" has opened in India

Yes, that is the entire list of stories in the World News segment for tonight.

After our next commercial break, it was time for Fight For Iraq. We got a story about car bombings being on the increase in Iraq. Then KPTV showed us ACTUAL DEATH TOLL NUMBERS!! Yes, they not only acknowledged that people are still dying in Iraq, they gave us actual numbers! That might be a first! Real news?? Information?? On KPTV's "news" show? Quick, fan me! I think I'm getting the vapors. If I helped this happen then it's been worth it.

It must have been a heady feeling for the KPTV crew to handle actual news-like substance because the War On Terror segment which followed told us about Laura Bush being shouted at by a large hostile crowd while visiting the Dome of the Rock mosque on a tour to promote women's rights.

Unfortunately, this flirtation with actual news didn't last long because after the 10:25 commercial break, the crap was back, Baby! Our next story was about emergency nurses and doctors allegedly being assaulted more frequently than other medical professionals. No possible reasons for this were presented, although a guess would be that it's at least partly because they deal with more people in an average day than other medical people and a lot of the people they deal with are lower-class, many of them addicted to drugs (poor people in America tend to use hospital emergency rooms in lieu of the general practitioner doctors they can't afford to visit).

The only figure for the number of assaults in E.R.'s was from 1999 and we were told that it has gone neither up nor down since then, so this doesn't exactly seem to be a rising trend.

Another commercial break, followed by the Final Cut segment, a favorite of pseudo-news afficianodos. Tonight's Crap Fest did not disappoint, kicking off with the "Cyber Sting" story teased last night.

This was a classic of the genre, featuring the KPTV "I-Team" kickin' it with the cultural warriors known as Perverted Justice (see yesterday's entry). The P.J. gang set up a college-aged self-described masochist by pretending to be young girls online. When Tyler (apparantly his real first name) showed up at the imaginary girl's doorstep, he had a bandanna over his eyes and he was on his knees. He begged to be let in so that the "girl" could "kick the shit out of me" (it was bleeped). The bandanna prevented him from realizing that he was speaking to a "reporter" and that cameras were pointing at him. When the "reporter" told him that he was trying to "hurt girls," he apologized and started to leave. He took off the makeshift blindfold and suddenly saw the cameras. Tyler's eyes were the size of hubcaps when he realized he was being taped and he scampered into his car and took off. Now that's journalism! In your face, Woodward and Bernstein!

Not content with exposing the poor sick SOB on camera, KPTV went to his college and spoke to some of his friends, who were unaware of Tyler's little "hobby" and most of whom reacted with predictable shock. I am by no means defending those who commit sex offenses, whether with minors or not, but the practice of attempting to entrap people is highly questionable.

Channel 10 in Philadelphia, an NBC affiliate, has also worked with Perverted Justice on some of these "stings." Police Chief Lee Hunter of Newtown Township in the Philly area where the "sting" was staged has said the station's actions were, "highly dangerous, totally unethical and immoral." I don't know what the position of the Portland Police Bureau about this sort of thing is but I doubt that KPTV bothered to check with them before they staged their little stunt, either. KPTV promised us another "Cyber Sting" on tomorrow night's show. Yay.

Following up on the "pervs are everywhere" theme, we next got a story about a "National Sex Offender Public Registry" the Feds are setting up. Then we got a story informing us that the Michael Jackson defense team may wrap up their case some time this week. Nothing new there.

Lastly, we got the indispensible "Hollywood Buzz." Warren Beatty "sounded off" about Governor Schwarzenegger. Arnold's administration responded with a wisecrack about how Warren was only mad because he was afraid they would cut his Social Security. Such is the state of "political debate" in this country today.

To put a big ol' bow on tonight's show, we got not one, not two, but THREE "news" stories about the new Star Wars movie. Gee, there's a new Star Wars movie out? If it wasn't for the incessant flurry of cross-promotion about it on KPTV, you'd hardly be aware of it.

Well, other than the weather and the sports segments, that was it for tonight.

What KPTV Didn't Talk About Tonight (a sampling):

* Anything at all about the ongoing struggle over Social Security
* Anything at all about the ongoing struggle over the filibuster in the Senate
* Time-Warner, the largest media company in the world, may sell off AOL
* Afghan President Hamid Karzai rejected U.S. criticisms of his antidrug efforts
* President George Bush's approval ratings have fallen to an all-time low

So much real news, so little time devoted to it. *sigh*