Saturday, July 30, 2005

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

So, did you see the show Saturday night? Notice anything different about weekend co-anchor Hilary Hutcheson's hairdo? It was sassy and sophisticated with bangs swept to the right. Didn't think I counted as a "small group of thoughtful, committed people," huh? Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah (or "neener neener neener" as they sometimes say on the West Coast). And they make a fuss about that Gandhi guy! Quick note, Hil: don't pull your hair back so tightly. It makes your eyes look squinty. You're welcome.

Top Story: David Frietas/Freitas was On The Scene in Hillsboro where a murder investigation is ongoing. There's some suspicion that it may be gang-related. We got video of some locals who opined that gang activity is on the increase in Hillsboro. I was pleasantly surprised to see that KPTV talked to the police who said that, no, actually, gang activity is NOT on the rise in Hillsboro. That is an example of the kind of non fear-based journalism that I'd like to see more of on KPTV (and all TV news, actually). It's the first time I can remember them making the effort to tell the audience that the sky isn't necessarily falling and I want to commend KPTV for putting that detail in the story. Thank you, folks.

A rock thrown at a car in Salem resulted in the driver stabbing the thrower. Bet you wish you had that rock back now, huh, Mr. Thrower.

Road Rage on Rt. 26. Some numbnuts got pissed at a woman driving another car and pointed a .50 caliber gun at her. Jesus, pull over at a rest stop before you blow up like that, Dirty Harry.

Remember the panty thief who was made to look like Public Enemy Number One some months back? They tried really hard to tie this guy to the disappearance of Brooke Wilberger and when that failed they tried a smear campaign, telling the world he had "violent images" on his computer, among other things - as if that were proof of something. Well, his family are suing for unreasonable search. The cops, thinking he was a murderer rather than a simple fetishtistic weirdo, turned their place upside-down looking for clues. I smell an out-of-court settlement down the road.

There's been an arrest for rape in Kelso. The victim is a young boy. Yuck.

We next got a recap of the prostitution sting story from last night. It had a few new details but nothing thrilling.

Meth Watch: That stupid law to require prescriptions for cold meds that contain pseudoephedrine has passed the state Senate and now goes on to the governor for his signature. I'm sure it'll pass. I'm also sure it will do absolutely nothing to reduce the amount of meth abuse in Oregon.

A 5 year-old boy is dead as the result of a car accident near Molalla.

A Tillamook motorcycle cop is dead. A 16 year-old driver was passing another car on Rt. 101 in Pleasant Valley just south of Tillamook and struck the cop's bike head-on. The teen and his passenger, his girlfriend, are both OK.

An eye clinic in Lake Oswego had a flourine gas leak. As flourine is toxic, this was considered undesirable. I guess I just don't know enough about optometry or opthalmology or opto-whatever, but I can't think of what use an eye clinic would have for flourine.

Northwest Tonight (hey, what happened to "Northwest Now?")

*Green Lake, Washington is experiencing problems with vandalism. That's what you get for living in the Big City!

*Remember the mother and daughter who disappeared in the Tacoma area, causing an Amber Alert? There's been an arrest in the case.

*The Thunderbirds are performing this weekend in Tacoma. Memorial services for the pilots will be announced after the inevitable mid-air crash, amateur video of which will be shown all next week on every TV news show.

*Universal health care? Can't afford it. Potholes? No money to fix 'em. Totally impractical jet-powered cars? You betcha! The U.S. Air Force Reserve Jet Car, which uses a Westinghouse J-34 jet engine to accelerate from 0 to 400 mph, is appearing at the McChord Air Expo this weekend in Tacoma.

Fire Season 2005

*Big fire near Double Mountain. 19,000 acres already consumed.

*Big fire near Klamath Falls is 20% contained.

*Big fire in South Oregon has consumed 1500 acres already.

Break.

America Tonight

*The community has raised $10,000 as a reward for information in the case of the missing pregnant woman in Philadelphia. Hmm, what "small group of thoughtful, committed [person]" busted KPTV's balls about not reporting this story last night? Yay for me! "KPTV's Shanille [sp?] Jones" was the reporter on this story. And to think I was getting ready to congratulate KPTV for eschewing the fake "we have reporters everywhere" thing.

*So, they drained a pond in Aruba because someone claimed that they saw some guys standing near it on the night that Natalee Holloway disappeared. It isn't easy to drain a body of water which is at sea level, but when it was finally emptied, there was...nothing.

*A man, a woman and their two children were found dead in their home in Collierville, Tennessee. KPTV said that the family was planning on moving to Arkansas, but the newspaper stories I found via Google News said they were from Arkansas, so I guess it would be more proper to say that they were planning on moving back to Arkansas. Small detail, I guess.

*A torso was found in Bakersville, California. It belongs to a man who has been missing for months. Someone's got some 'splainin' to do!

*A propellor plane and a 757 had a near-collision on the ground at LAX. "The white zone is for crashing and near-crashing only." You'll get that joke if you've ever flown into Los Angeles.

*A roller coaster car crashed into another at Disney's California Adventure. Hmm, who busted KPTV's balls last night about not covering this story? What's that, Margaret Mead? Something about thoughtful, committed something or other?

*A guy in Massachusetts has found a 2-headed snake. eBay! eBay! eBay! Oh wait, eBay doesn't allow the sale of livestock. Carnival freak show! Carnival freak show! Carnival freak show!

World Tonight

*Anti-Mubarek protestors were attacked in Cairo, Egypt. Random thought: How do you say "Mubarek" in hieroglyphics?

*A brawl broke out during a basketball game between a Chinese team and a team from Puerto Rico. The little guys with the dark hair won. Argue with THAT.

*A volcano near Mexico City erupted. There were no injuries. If I was more of a right-winger, I'd say, "Sure there were no injuries, because all the Mexicans are here!" I'm not, though, so I won't say that.

Break.

War On Terror/London Terror (back together again by popular demand)

*The guy arrested in Rome in connection with the recent bombings in London is fighting extradiction.

Fight For Iraq

*A suicide car bombing in Iraq killed 7 and injured 27 people.

*Was Saddam Hussein attacked in the courtroom? His lawyers say he was although there is no video evidence of it happening and the judge says it didn't. Maybe it was his karma jumping his sorry ass. NOTE: The mention of "karma," (defined as "the total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny") in the pursuit of humor in no way constitutes an endorsement of the concept of karma by this blog or its creator.

Break.

That missing tile on the exterior of the Space Shuttle is a concern for NASA. No shit! I'll bet it's kind of a concern for the astronauts floating around the Earth in that tribute to lowest-bidding government contractors, too.

Weather. Break. ...On the subject of weather, I will pass along my compliments to my favorite Weather Weasel for having the best 'cast in town. You have the one segment on KPTV that never needs fixing. If I had a complaint, it would be that you never talk about accuracy. Nobody else does either, but I'm under the general impression that anything beyond 48 hours is idle speculation by computer models. You could read the Farmer's Almanac and do just as well. That isn't your fault, of course, that has to do with the limits of the technology. But it would be nice if you'd mention once in a while that long range forecasts are highly speculative. If you are really brave, you could give us a rating of your forecasts for the previous seven days. A Washington, DC meteorologist at Fox 5 always did that and I thought it was a refreshing bit of honesty.

Oh, and on the subject of being number one: As entertainment, what KPTV does is fine; it comes across as a mash-up of Entertainment Tonight, Hard Copy and Real TV. Your show is flashy and entertaining but it still needs a lot more hard news in the mix to be called a legitimate news show. And you do call it news, so there is work to be done. You are a citizen of the United States of America, not just an entertainer, and as a citizen you need to start caring about what you are feeding to voters. End of lecture.

*National Night Out is this coming Tuesday. So go out and, uh, do stuff. 44 million people participated last year in this continent-wide meaningless gesture.

War On Terror (again?)

*The Civil Air Patrol is participating in drills. I can't decide whether that means that we're in so much trouble that the real, professional military needs civilian help or that we're in so little trouble that the military is letting the wannabes have some fun playing G.I. Joe.

*There was a Muslim Peace Rally in downtown Portland. The participants then shouted "There is no God but Allah" and blew themselves up. (That joke courtesy of my wife. Send your complaints and threats of jihad to her. Thank you.)

*Some guy with a keen understanding of government purchasing procedures has invented a $300,000 "bomb sniffer" in a suitcase. The piece showed him with his laptop computer which displayed the phoniest-looking graphics since Lost In Space went off the air. Seriously, it was the kind of thing you'd expect to see in an old James Bond movie. Hokey! Anyway, you set his magic suitcase next to a suspicious piece of luggage and it "bombards it with neutrons" if I remember correctly. Then it contacts Scientology Headquarters, I think. (I made that last part up.) I for one will not be shocked if this thing eventually turns out to be a complete fake. If you think that government agencies never fall for quackery, read this: http://www.randi.org/jr/09-10-2000.html as just one example.

Hollywood Buzz

*"KPTV's Adam Housley" told us that "has-beens" like Pauly Shore and Bobby Brown are being reincarnated in new "reality" shows. Although the tone of this piece was semi-sarcastic about the trend, it also contained a healthy plug for the new Fox Reality Channel. Personally, I think that the use of the words "Fox" and "reality" in the same sentence represents the opening of the Seventh Seal and means that the Day of Reckoning is upon us.

*Although we got some "You won't believe..." type hype for the next story, it amounted to nothing but a very short puff piece about the Grand Opening of the new Dukes of Hazzard movie. Would you all please help me with an experiment? I want to spread the rumor that all the characters in the D of H movie die at the end in the hope that that will prevent the filming of a sequel. Tell this lie to all your friends and if you have a website, please print this fake "spoiler" there. Preventing a Dukes of Hazzard 2 is the greatest thing we can do for our fellow man. Remember, as Margaret Cho (or was it Ann-Margret?) said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

*Lastly, the 99W Drive-in in Newberg is threatened with closure. It seems that development in the town is causing too much light to spill on the screen, making it difficult to watch a movie. The guy who is building a development next to the theater says he is willing to help by putting up a 40-foot high wall next to the property.

WHAT KPTV DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT TONIGHT (a sampling):

*According to sploid.com, "Uzbekistan has reportedly given the U.S. six months to move out of a key base used for operations in Afghanistan. A Pentagon spokesman said the U.S. was ‘evaluating the note to see exactly what it means'." Yeah, 'cause that was pretty ambiguous.

*Hello? Tenth planet discovered in our solar system. Major astronomical event. Hello?

*Wendy's International Inc. on Friday said its board approved a plan to sell up to 18 percent of its Tim Horton's doughnut chain in an initial public offering. Hey, wanna know why Wendy's hamburgers are square? It's because square burgers stick out from the round buns, making them appear larger to the buyer. (Why do I know stuff like that?)

*13 year-old Majelique Lewis is missing after going to the bathroom during the seventh-inning stretch in Yankee Stadium. A search of the entire stadium and the surrounding neighborhood failed to find the boy. This story hits home for me because I worked for the Yankees from 1971 to 1979. The boy is said to have no mental or emotional problems and has never run away in the past. By the way, if this story was covered by KPTV's "news" show during the sports segment, I apologize. I haven't seen any mention of it during the non-sports portion of the show.