Sunday, September 11, 2005

What the hell! Did KPTV give the people who come up with the "top stories" the day off or something? The main "Top Story" was new, but most of the rest of the first 11 minutes of the show tonight was composed of retreads from last night. Yup, they sure deserve that award the AP gave them. Uh huh.

Top Story. An old lady in the Cascade Inn, a local nursing home, was shot by her daughter who then shot herself. Debra Gil was in Vancouver for this sordid little tale of violence and mental illness. Mother and daughter are both alive, although somewhat worse for the wear. The home was evacuated but the residents were being taken back in as the story aired.

Say, remember the story about the fire bug who got caught after allegedly setting at least 20 fires in dumpsters recently? Well, we got it again.

And how about the cops who shot and killed the naked guy in Sandy the other day being named by the police force? I guess it was such a big story that it bore repeating 'cause here it was again.

And remember the crazy-looking guy from last night who ran over the pedestrian, killing him? Whether you do or not, here you go again. Thought I was kidding about all the retread stories, didn't you?

And just to tie a bow on this Instant Replay:

Fox 12's Most Wanted

• Tobbie Eaton. AGAIN.

Katrina's Devastation (cue the sad music)

• Some evacuees from New Orleans have returned to see what's left of their homes. Kinda sad. "KPTV's Doug Luzader" brought us this story.
• 30 evacuees have come to Portland thanks to help from a local church. The prototypically white Jim Hyde was at the black church for this story. We saw some video of the destruction in Gulfport, Mississippi. Not pretty. The people who made it to the Portland area are staying at Shilo Inns thanks to a donation by the company that owns them. The Red Cross is also helping them get their lives together again.
• One local family moved to the New Orleans area just two months ago. Talk about bad timing, huh? A family member took some video of the devastation with his camcorder and we got to see a little of it. Oogly. With luck, none of them told anybody, "I hope I never see your face again!" before they left for Louisiana 'cause that could be embarassing since they're back in the Big PDX again.

Break.

Florence, on the Southern Oregon coast, was the site of a tsunami drill on Saturday. This whole "news" show was like a day late and a dollar short. Anyhoo, "experts" say that there's a low risk of a devastating tsunami on the coast. Was one of those "experts" FEMA director Michael Brown by any chance?

America Tonight

• Confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee John Roberts start in the Senate on Monday.
• Hurricane Ophelia is still off the coast of the Carolinas which are on alert in case it veers west and hits land. Its winds are at about 85 MPH at the moment, which could rattle a few lawn ornaments.
• "KPTV's Wisdom Martin" (yes, you read that right) was in Rockville, Maryland (a suburb of Washington, D.C.) for this story about a homeless shelter there that held a car wash to raise money for the victims of Katrina.
  

World Tonight

• The Israeli flag came down during a ceremony in the Gaza strip. So, now that that's settled, there will never be any more strife in the Middle East, right? *cough* bullshit *cough*
• A typhoon has hit east China, causing blackouts and the evacuation of about a million people. It's currently heading toward Shanghai. I need Pat Robertson to tell me if God is doing this because there are homosexuals in Shanghai. Hey, maybe that was what that Great Wall was for: to keep the hairdressers out.

Northwest Tonight

• There was a rock slide along I-90 near Easton, Washington, screwing up the highway real good. "KPTV's Nicole Sanchez" told us about this act of a vengeful God which killed two Washington women in their car about 1 AM Sunday morning.

Break.

Something new to worry about: The South Sister volcano is bulging. Water or lava? Scientists aren't sure yet but they say they don't think there's danger of an eruption any time soon.

The Multnomah County libraries will be closed until Thursday because a new catalog system is being installed. Fear not, the fines on that overdue copy of Lolita will be suspended until the libraries reopen on Thursday. That joke was especially for anyone from Willamette Week who may be reading this.

A Mayor's Ball will be held in Forest Grove on the 24th to raise funds for senior care. I wish I could go; watching old people dance is almost as much fun as watching them have sex. What, I'm the only one who thinks that's amusing?

Break.

Has Meridith Broadcasting (KPTV's parent company) bought the Lojack outfit or vice versa? We just got a friggin' story about Lojack the other night and yet, magically, here's another one...with some of the same video no less. This version had some new video of a local cop using the tracking device in his patrol car to find stolen cars but it also had footage of Brandon Gwimmer, the same guy from the story the other day who said he wouldn't buy a Lojack for his car. Hilary Hutcheson also told us AGAIN that Lojack costs between $600 and $700.

The Oregon International Air Show wrapped up today with no spectacular mid-air collisions to report. You call that an air show? Did they even think of the thousands of children who would be disappointed by not seeing a huge fire ball rising into the sky? Oh, the humanity!

Weather. Break.

Final Cut

War On Terror

Al Qaeda released the next video from its box set. This one featured a man our government thinks is Adam Gadahn, an American. On the tape he did his crowd-pleasing hit, "Al Qaeda will attack Los Angeles and Melbourne, New Zealand."

There was a memorial service to the attacks of 9/11 at Ground Zero in New York on Sunday. Four moments of silence were observed: one for when each of the buildings was attacked and one for when each of the buildings fell.

Next we got a piece put together by KPTV's main video editor, composed of a montage of shots from 9/11. It was accompanied by a black soprano singing 2 verses of America The Beautiful, accompanied by what looked to me to be an eight-string acoustic guitar.

Sponsored by a local Harley-Davidson dealer, a group of bikers held their own commemoration of the events of 9/11 in Gladstone.

An art gallery allegedly "close to Ground Zero" in New York City (I'm betting it's in Soho, which is actually a little ways uptown) is holding an exhibition called "A Knock At The Door" featuring controversial images about the 9/11 attacks. Hilary Hutcheson referred to it as "so-called political art." Excuse me? Yes, some of the stuff on display may be upsetting to some people, but what's with the editorial comment? Do I refer to her as a "so-called journalist?" Uh, well, yeah, I probably have, come to think of it. Joking aside, considering that this is the "news" show that recently featured a story about a smoking monkey, how's about we leave the editorializing at the makeup room door, Hil?

Before I forget, I have to say that I find it very odd that there wasn't a single word on the show tonight about the Freedom Walk sponsored by the Pentagon on Sunday. Could that possibly be because the crowd was much smaller than anticipated? In my search of news stories about the Walk, I couldn't find a single source that estimated the crowd to be in excess of 15,000. Some put it as no more than a few thousand. That's amazing considering that this thing was sponsored by the military which sent a memo around to Pentagon employees, "encouraging" them to participate AND that it got a lot of publicity over the past few weeks. Based on what I've read, I'd say this thing was a huge bust. Click here Maybe a "Freedom Walk" that requires participants to pre-register with the government isn't such a great idea after all.

Katrina's Devastation (Police Academy 8)

• Jim Hyde was at the KPTV "news" van to tell us that over 100 evacuees of the hurricane have found their way to Oregon so far.
• Meanwhile, in New York City, where I was spawned, people so friggin' rich that their toilet paper has Ben Franklin's face on it, donated part of the proceeds from an auction of unbelievably expensive cars. One of them was expected to go for more than $5 million. For that kind of money, I want a fur-lined glove compartment and a platinum jack. AND a Playboy air freshener to hang from the mirror. No air freshener, no sale. I think I caught sight of Thurston and Lovey Howell in the crowd. Good to see them back on dry land. "KPTV's Bill McCuddy" brought this tale of noblesse oblige to us. Hey, look at me, talking French!
  

Still dream of being abused by Simon Cowell on the air? American Idol held auditions for their upcoming new season in Denver. Thousands of self-deluded people desperately grasping for thei little piece of the American Dream were on hand. I'm one depressing motherfucker, aren't I? My Secret Service code name is "Captain Bringdown."

Lastly, "KPTV's Eunice Yoon" told us that Disney's new theme park in Hong Kong is opening Monday. Despite the hype about this story, it actually didn't talk about how some local people aren't very happy about the park opening because, among other reasons, the park will be shooting off fireworks every night. Click here

So-called journalist Hilary Hutcheson ended the Final Cut one second early.

WHAT KPTV DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT TONIGHT (a sampling):

Some experts think that the ecological damage caused by the post-Katrina pollution of the water will be much worse than the government is admitting. Click here

This Newsweek story is very damning of the Bush administration's response to Katrina. Click here

More from Newsweek about the government's pathetic efforts re Katrina. Click here

Do not click this link if you are easily depressed. Seriously. Click here

Some background about Hong Kong residents' objections to the new Disney park. Click here