Sunday, September 4, 2005

It's a Katrina-thon again tonight, as is only right. What other story could compare with this? Oh, speaking of "Top Story" stuff, I forgot to talk about this last night. As you know, some nights KPTV kicks off its "news" show with "Breaking News." The Mrs. and I have come to the conclusion that, basically, the KPTV "news" show is put together by the day crew, which goes home at about 5:30 or 6:00 PM. Anything that happens after that is "Breaking News" because it wasn't written into the show rundown. Case in point: by what stretch of the definition of the words could the death of Supreme Court Justice Rehnquist be considered "Breaking News" at 10 PM when it happened hours earlier? Anyway, let's push on to Sunday night's show.

Top Story. What else could it be but the national clusterfuck known as the Katrina aftermath? Hilary Hutcheson, her hair part back on the left side of her head, as God intended, told us about evacuees from the New Orleans area arriving in Phoenix. I'm sure all those extremely wealthy people just over the city line in Scottsdale will be taking the bedraggled black people displaced by Katrina into their homes. Hey look! Flying pigs!

"KPTV's Doug Luzader" was in Kenner, Louisiana to tell us about some looters shot and killed by the police. We saw some very dramatic footage of the President of Jefferson Parish (equivalent to a county manager, I believe) crying on camera as he told about a woman who died while waiting fruitlessly for help to arrive. Again we were told how some evacuees were going to be taken to Washington High School, which apparently hasn't been used in years. May I ask why a perfectly good high school building is going unused?

Oh, this was cute. The sheriff offered to allow some evacuees to live in his new jail. This lovely offer was rejected on the grounds that the last thing those poor people needed right now was to be put into a jail. Here's what I'm confused about: with KPTV making it seem night after night as if violent crime is totally out of control, how can we possibly have an brand new unused jail handy?

The next story was about toiletry items like toothpaste and the like desperately needed by the evacuees of Katrina. The audience was asked to donate such things to the Red Cross.

Perhaps attempting to make up for last night's misleading story, KPTV next told us that Carnival Cruise Lines is going to allow 7,000 people to live on some of their ships which will be harbored in Texas and Alabama. "Sure, your house, your job and your life have been destroyed. Cheer up, it's time for the limbo lesson! I'm Julie, your cruise director. Meet Isaac, Gopher and Doc."

Tulane University is letting 5 college students displaced by Katrina to attend their school for free. The guy we saw on tape said he had no idea how Tulane had chosen him for the scholarship. I had no idea what the hell I was doing in college either. There's a lot of that going around.

Debra Gil was in News Control for this story about local black churches organizing to help the evacuees of the gulf states. I gotta tell ya, if I was to decide tomorrow to believe in the Christian version of the Big Invisible Guy With A Beard Who Lives In The Sky (as opposed to my current belief in the invisible blue hippo in my closet), I'd want to attend a black church, if for no other reason than that they put on a better show then the boring crap I was forced to sit through when I was a captive of the Catholic Church.

Oregon Attorney General and The 2005 Least Charismatic Politician In America, Hardy Myers, announced that people should beware of Katrina-related charity scams. Then he made the startling statement that $20. "Rolex" watches sold on the street just might not be the real thing. Or maybe I made that up.

Break.

4 people have been arrested in connection with last night's "home invasion" in Vancouver. It was on X Street, which I find amusing. This story gave us the first instance of the coveted "You DO expect that to happen in this neighborhood" type comment in a few weeks.

There was a serious ATV crash in Lyons, causing injuries. Funny that this made the news when the many ATV accidents, including some involving fatalities, that occur at the Sand Lake Federal Recreation Area on the coast (much closer to Portland than Lyons) never make the KPTV news, even when Life Flight is involved.

Hollieann Hill, a Vancouver teen, is still missing, after several days.

For some reason, there was a mini-panic in Lane County over lead poisoning. After two rounds of testing, nothing much was found, however. One kid had slightly elevated levels but that was it.

What's the deal with all the wine-related stories on KPTV in recent days? According to this one, you can expect prices for Oregon wines to go up. Bad crop. I could almost be happy about this if it meant no more stories about "learning to become a wine snob."

Former vice-president Al Gore is coming to the Portland Convention Center on Tuesday. Oh man, he's GREAT in concert! Yeah, Steppenwolf had the hit, but you haven't lived until you've seen the G-man do "Born To Be Wild." Damn, the pussy that guy must get backstage!

News Across America

• President Bush got that pious look on his face that I love SO much while talking about William Rehnquist. By the way, apparently no one at the White House thought to order flags to go to half-staff in honor of the dead in the gulf states, but they DID think to order it for Rehnquist, so they quickly combined the two into one big half-staff order. There are now 2 vacancies on the Supreme Court and there are rumors that Bush might appoint John Roberts to Chief Justice (not that KPTV reported this).
• A house explosion in Michigan killed some children who lived there.
• Kimberly Maus (whose last name means "mouse" in German) told us about the new school year meaning new drivers on the road. We got a look at some concerned parents, including a woman whose daughter, standing next to her, looked like she wanted to say, "MOM! You're embarassing me!" in that way that every parent of a teenage girl is well-acquainted with.

Break.

World Tonight

• A plane crashed on takeoff in Indonesia. Many dead.
• There was yet another big fire in a Parisian apartment building. Arson is suspected.

Fight For Iraq

• West Baghdad (the gay neighborhood?) was the scene of a deadly explosion involving a car with a large tank of oil on it.
• Mortars landed next to a building in Baghdad
• The Trial of the 21st Century (at least until the American Auto-da-fe starts) of Saddam Hussein begins on October 19. Click here

Break.

Wayne Garcia and Shauna Parsons were all dolled up as we saw them at Channel 49's local hosting of the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon, which this year is also raising money for flood relief.

Katrina's Devastation (cue the same dramatic music they used for Brooke Wilberger)

• "KPTV's Chris Wolfe" has now moved to Gulfport where, he says, the streets are "empty, bleak and littered." Republicans refer to that as a "real estate buying opportunity." A government chopper went down earlier (no one killed). People are still trapped in some homes. 30 bodies have been found in Biloxi. A search dog and robot have been brought in from Florida to assist in the search for trapped people. (I think any executives from Fox who saw that story just got an idea for a wacky new prime-time cartoon show, with the voices of Chris Tucker and Robin Williams as Search Dog and Robot.) 161 people are known so far to be dead in Mississippi.

Weather. Break. Oh, the Chyron problems are starting again, it seems. Note to the underpaid employee working the machine: "Willamette" has TWO "l's" in it.

Final Cut

Katrina's Devastation--Part Two

• The Army Corps of Engineers says it will take at least a month to dry out New Orleans. Oh, NOW we're going to listen to the Army Corps of Engineers? Prior to Katrina, they asked for $100 million to repair and improve the levees and the Bush administration gave them $40 million. Damn straight it's time for finger pointing!
• We saw video of a marina in New Orleans which was totally destroyed. The boats were all in a nasty heap in one corner of the marina. Ugly.
• Bush took some time out of getting on with his life to visit Red Cross HQ in Washington, D.C. Hey, George, want to do something to really help the evacuees? Get the Army Corps of Engineers (now that you're talking to them again) to set up temporary houses on that phony "ranch" of yours in Crawford, Texas and let some of the newly homeless live there for as long as needed. Seriously, what could the president possibly do that would go further to rehabilitate his public image than that?
• A man took a bus abandoned on the street in New Orleans, picked up anyone he saw and took them to Texas and safety. It would have been nice if KPTV had bothered to tell us his name and the fact that he had never driven a bus before in his life. Oh, another thing they didn't mention is that when he got to the Astrodome in Houston, the officials there didn't want to let his passengers in because he wasn't on their official list of busses. Yes, really. Click here (story is near the bottom, although it, too, doesn't mention his name which I've seen elsewhere)
• "KPTV's Gary Nuremberg" (I LOVED his trial, by the way) told us that people all over the country are taking in evacuees from Katrina.
• It seems that some rich people aren't completely selfish scumbags. Some are donating their planes and vacation homes to the relief effort.
• Next, we got to see a New Orleans bar ("on the corner of Bourbon Street." Uh, the corner of Bourbon and WHAT?) that is open for business despite having no electricity and therefore no lights. The bar is serving drinks by candlelight. A female customer, who was surprisingly articulate, was smoking a big cigar. What a wacky city!
• "KPTV's Doug Luzader" says that some people are still stranded in New Orleans and added that the evacuation plan seems to be determined from day to day.
• Next up was one of those thumbsucking stories about how to explain the tragedy to kids. "Experts" say you should not try to hide it from kids, but to be honest with them about what happened. Speaking of being honest with kids, my sister-in-law and I went to Fred Meyer on Sunday to pick up some stuff. As she was walking out of the store, she passed a boy with his father. She happened to overhear the father saying to the boy, "The price of gas is high because George Bush makes money off it." This was a very working class-looking guy, by the way. Anyway, this story was about a Beaverton mother who told her daughters it would be OK to sell lemonade and donate the money to the Red Cross. Seems like the right thing to do, especially when you hear that the kids made $1200! Man, I'm in the wrong line of work!
• Finally, we got a summary of what we know about the Katrina relief effort so far. Since I've already told you about this stuff, I'll spare you another recounting of it

WHAT KPTV DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT TONIGHT (a sampling):

• So, you want to know what kind of guy President Bush appoints to head FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency? He's probably real competant, right? Eh, not so much. Click here
• You'd think that a group of doctors who volunteered to go to New Orleans to assist with the sick and dying would be welcomed with open arms, wouldn't you? Turns out, not so much. Click here
• Would you like to see a copy of the declaration of a state of emergency issued by the White House? Sure, here you go: Click here So, if, prior to the hurricane hitting land, FEMA was authorized to do whatever it needed, why did FEMA drop the damn ball so badly? Just asking.