Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Hold onto something solid. In the course of tonight's critique, I'm actually going to say something complimentary about tonight's KPTV 10 o'clock news show. Look, I didn't even put "news" in quotes.

Top Story: Missing Mother. Carlea Cooper, a young black woman, is missing in Vancouver, Washington. The cops report a body was found in a car in a nearby garage. They wouldn't say if it was her or not. Doesn't sound good, though.

A car belonging to a missing Yamhill man was found. He wasn't.

Next we got a recap of last night's "home invasion" story. I can't blame KPTV for the invention of the term "home invasion" as a euphemism for "burglary," but can anyone tell me a reason for using it other than because it sounds really SCARY?

Meth Watch. Charles Chester was arrested yesterday for operating a meth lab. The arrest was made by a deputy sheriff on his first day on the job. That's a wee bit less of the cutesy human interest story it appears to be at first look when you hear that the deputy in question was hired to work specifically on meth-related cases. Oh, by the way, Chester blames his son for the meth lab. Close-knit family, obviously.

A 16 month-old boy was found walking along the roadside in Keizer. His parents have been arrested for neglect. Hey, maybe the kid went out for some smokes.

The parents of the murdered 4 year-old boy Matal Sanchez held a press conference to thank the area's people for their support at this difficult time. Man, I don't think I could face the cameras if something like that happened in my family. Your heart really has to go out to these people. They've essentially lost two people: their son and the dad's mother who is accused of the murder.

William Stewart, former sex offender, has been released. He isn't accused of anything currently but the cops (and KPTV) thought you'd want to know he's a free man. Same goes for Dale Lee Foy.

Jamie Wilson was Out And About in Beaverton with a cellphone camera in her hand as her prop to tell us about a bill awaiting the governor's signature. The new law will criminalize taking surreptitious pictures up girls' skirts and the like.

Break.

The Trailblazers got themselves a new head coach: Nate McMillan. Is this a big deal? Guess so 'cause they got the sports weasel to come onto the set early to talk about it.

The Coast Guard had to rescue four halfwits off the coast at Ecola State Park. These Mensa candidates became acquainted with the concept of High Tide while celebrating the 20th birthday of one of them on the rocks about 100 yards offshore. One of these Einsteins had a core temperature of only 89 degrees when he was choppered out. Not good.

A plea agreement was worked out for the perpetrator of a beating death in Salem in 2004.

Lester Weber was sentenced for possession of child pornography.

A Spokane woman *may* have West Nile Virus. Hey, possibilities are news too, right?

Northwest Tonight

*Only one NW story tonight. "KPTV's Dan Springer" (who labors under the impression he works for Fox News Channel) gave us a summary of the Groene kids' story so far. OK, remember last night when David Freitas told us that, since the little Groene girl has told the police she was molested during her abduction, KPTV would no longer identify her (although they still show her brother's picture and name)? Well, apparently, no one sent a copy of that memo to "their" reporter Dan Springer because he used the girl's name twice during the story. There were two obvious edits in the tape to remove her name from the audio. Also, Mr. Groene blasted the cops for not doing more about sex offenders.

Break.

I-Team. This was your classic scare piece about schools trying to keep sex offenders out. Apparently some schools are checking every visitor, including parents and grandparents of students, against a database of sex offenders. Yeah, yeah, I know--"if it saves one life" and all that, but isn't a school the least likely place a sex offender would do something to a kid, what with all the people around and all?

Let's assume for a moment that a parent or guardian is a sex offender. If they simply wait outside the school for their kid, the school will never know anything about it and they will have an unfettered opportunity to do whatever they are going to do to the child. I'm old enough to remember when we were taught that the Soviet Union was EVIL in part because it spied on its citizens. We were the Good Guys because we didn't do that. If Universal Surveillance is a good thing after all, what was that whole wacky Cold War thing about? Just asking.

By the way, while this piece wasn't technically a Video News Release, it was the equivalent of one. The video was all about a school in Arizona and Keri Tomlinson slapped a voice-over on it.

Break.

Pump Patrol. The average price of gasoline in Portland on Wednesday was $2.25/gallon. The price of crude oil is up 3%. Wow, that's "context," isn't it? Congratulations, KPTV!

OK, here's that compliment I said I was going to pay to KPTV. This next story was the single best work I have ever seen on the Channel 12 10 o'clock news show. It was about New York Times reporter Judith Miller going to jail for contempt for refusing to reveal her source in the "outing" of CIA operative Valerie Plame. To my knowledge, this was the first time this story has been mentioned on the show. Better late than never, I guess.

I take notes pretty fast as I watch the show, so I may have missed it, but I don't think the story mentioned that Karl Rove, President Bush's top advisor, is suspected by many people of being the leaker. Putting that quibble aside, I was very surprised and happy to see this finally show up on the KPTV 10 o'clock 'cast. If my criticism of the lack of serious news on the show contributed to someone there making a decision to cover this story, I'm happy. Whatever the reason for the inclusion, I hope this is a harbinger of things to come. See, KPTV, you put on a serious story and nobody lost an eye!

World Tonight

*Good grief! Can my eyes be deceiving me? Two stories about actual NEWS EVENTS, in a row no less! We were told about the G-8 meetings now ongoing in Edinborough, Scotland. Call me wacky, but I'd say that the leaders of the eight richest countries on Earth getting together to decide the direction of the planet constitutes news and deserves to be covered as such. Congratulations again, KPTV, for acting like a real NEWS show. Is this really the same newscast that only a few weeks ago featured a pig race in Moscow as "World News?"

*President Bush, in Scotland for the aforementioned G-8 meeting, fell off his bike while taking a ride during a break in the proceedings and got some cuts and bruises. The Scottish cop who was riding alongside him was more seriously hurt in the accident.

*London has been awarded the 2012 Olympics. As I'm writing this in the early AM, there has been a series of explosions in the British capital city. It's early in the story, but there is some speculation that the explosions are somehow tied to the Olympic announcement. As of 4:20 AM Pacific time, no one had taken credit for the attacks, which have injured scores of people, although there are rumors Al Qaeda was involved. Update: According to the BBC, "An Islamist website has posted a statement - purportedly from al-Qaeda - claiming it was behind the attacks."

Going into the weather segment we were told about Tropical Storm Dennis heading for Mobile, Alabama.

Weather. Break.

Final Cut/News Across America

*A man was rescued from a billboard in Houston, Texas.

*A worker was rescued from a trench in Flint, Michigan.

*A man who says he was trying to rescue a person from a river in Texas was arrested by the police who say he was getting in their way.

*A Missouri cop was murdered. A 19 year-old man has been arrested in the case.

*There was a shipyard fire in Portland, Connecticut, which I wasn't aware existed.

*A "dognapped" pet was returned to its owner in Texas. The dognapper was Caught On Camera by a Wal-Mart security camera.

*Ted Bachelor managed to claim a dubious World Record by deliberately setting himself on fire and STAYING on fire for longer than anyone ever before. The story said he would be in the Guinness Book of World Records. Now I could be wrong, but I seem to remember reading in the Guinness Book that they would no longer feature stunts like that because they didn't want to encourage people to risk their lives in pursuit of inclusion in their book. Wouldn't it be a kick in the ass if the guy set himself on fire for no reason?

Hollywood Buzz

*Walking wardrobe malfunction, rapper Li'l Kim, is going to up her street cred by doing a year and a day in the Greybar Hotel. She was found guilty of perjury for lying to a grand jury about a 2001 shooting incident in Manhattan. Will her new rap name be Li'l Bitch? Stay tuned.

*Pictures of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's wedding in the tropics are on the front covers of some tabloids. Yup, this "news" story was about what the front page of the National Enquirer has on it.

*Rather than wasting money by paying its employees a living wage or giving them health care, McDonalds is considering having either P. Diddy or Tommy Hilfiger design new uniforms for them. Mickey D's spokesman said that they are hoping that the burger slingers will like the new duds so much that they'll wear them even when not working. Could there be a better way to advertise for an ass-kicking? For the record, Mr. Diddy and I attended the same high school, Mt. St. Michael Academy in the Bronx. No, not the same years.

*Disney is starting a new company, Disney Mobile. It is going to sell kid-friendly cell phones. I just hope they've thought the design out so you don't have to touch Mickey in a "bad place" to autodial 911.

Hantavirus Worries

I go and congratulate KPTV for acting like real journalists and covering actual NEWS and they go and put on this "frighten the audience" piece. One step forward and two steps back, huh?

Hilary Huchison (whose hair part is still on her left side) had a mousetrap as her prop for this story about how deer mice droppings can be infected with the virus. Jesus Christ, is there ANYTHING that doesn't portend our imminent doom according to KPTV? There have been 6 cases of Hanta Virus in Oregon in the past several years, 3 of which ended in death. So, I guess you should, oh, I dunno, build a treehouse way up high and live in it or something. No, you could get hit by lightning up there, so that won't work either. Oh, just dig a deep hole, jump in and stay there!

If you DO dig a deep hole to live in, take your trampoline with you. According to the next story, trampolines are a safety hazard. What isn't? We were told to only let one child bounce at a time and to buy a trampoline with a safety net around it. Just dress your kids in bubble wrap and keep them indoors if you're as frightened as KPTV wants you to be. And whatever you do, never let your child speak to a stranger under any circumstances. Sure, your kids will grow up to be paranoid and terrified by the world around them, but hey, if it saves one life...!

Meth Watch (again). This was the promised Part Two of the story from last night about retired Portland cops who claim to be injured by having handled hazardous chemicals related to meth making when they were on the force. One former cop told us how he used to handle stuff like toluene with his bare hands. These days, they wear airtight suits when they dismantle a meth lab.

Tonight, the Inscrutable Final Cut Countdown Clock ended a few seconds before the story. Hey, Shauna Parsons, ask Wayne Garcia for tips on how to end right on time! He's got it down pat.

WHAT KPTV DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT TONIGHT (a sampling):

*The Catholic Church has reached a settlement between a diocese in Kentucky and an unknown number of sexual abuse victims, amounting to a record $120 million.

*The Army has ordered nearly $5 billion in work from Halliburton Co. to provide logistics support to U.S. troops in Iraq over the next year, $1 billion above what the Army paid for similar services the previous year. This is despite the fact that Halliburton has been proven to have overcharged the military for services in the recent past. Vice-President Cheney ran the company before reentering public service.

*A unit of the California National Guard has been accused of spying on anti-war groups, in an echo of Guard activities of the 1970's concerning anti-Vietnam war groups. The Guard denies the accusation.

*So, uh, whatever happened to that Natalee Hollway chick? One day it's the biggest damn story on the "news," the next, it's as if she's dropped off the radar.

*No more War On Terror or Fight For Iraq? How about Fox 12's Most Wanted? I'm not saying they're models of great journalism, I'm just wondering why the sudden disappearance? Maybe it's time for a new Missing Segments segment.