Sunday, August 14, 2005

Hilary, Hilary, Hilary. Your hair was PERFECT Saturday night. Why'd you go mess with it again? You're a 30-ish woman. Are you trying to tell me you don't know a single nice gay hairdresser who can advise you on this stuff? Sheesh.

Top Story. "Big Cat Attacks." That means that one cat has attacked, not that several cats have attacked (just wanted to clear that up). A Siberian Lynx jumped a 6 year-old girl in Clackamas and bit her on the head. Where's Operation Safe Streets when you need it?? Anyway, the girl's mother hit the kitty with bricks, possibly saving her child's life. The kid's going to be OK.

A tanker truck crashed on I-5 north of Salem. Nobody was injured.

David Frietas/Freitas was On The Scene for this next story about a fire at a food bank in Salem. The Fire Department says it was the result of arson. Somebody's ticked because poor people are getting food? If so, that someone needs to read the "Beatitudes" section of the Bible, methinks. There's about $20,000 worth of damage to the joint and they now need storage space for the food that wasn't damaged in the conflagration (nice word, huh?)

Arson suspect McDonald (didn't catch the first name, sorry) has pleaded not guilty. He's been nailed for the same crime in the past, although that, of course, doesn't PROVE that he's guilty this time.

Hey, remember that story from yesterday about the 4 teens busted for allegedly starting the fire at the Y in Salem? They didn't do it. Turns out the fire was an accident, not arson. So now we have 4 more young people who don't trust the police, although it's possible that the available evidence at the time suggested they were guilty. How's THAT for waffling?

Fox 12's Most Wanted

*Vancouver's own, Adrian Rekdahl, is still on the loose. In my notes for this story, I used the abbreviation "H.I." but I no longer have any idea what the hell I meant by that. Your guesses are welcome.

*The 2 guys in ski masks who robbed the bingo hall the other night are still running free. The police would like to change that situation. There is no description of the 2, seeing as how they were wearing SKI MASKS! Sheesh.

Fire Season 2005

*The Blossom fire north of Gold Beach in Oregon has now consumed 6200 acres.

*The School fire has burned 50,000 acres and 100 structures. It is 65% contained.

A deadly crash killed a teen driver on Highway 26, west of the Portland area.

This next story was a classic piece of treading water. It was a short summary of the struggle of local people against Wal-Mart's desire to open stores in their towns. No real new details to this one other than that Wally World wants to open 4 new stores in the Portland area.

In an apparent attempt to create canine Anne Franks, Clark County is going to start canvassing for pet licenses. Kittens and puppies get a free ride, but older animals have to be licensed. Quick! To the attic, Rover!

Northwest Tonight

*A drive-by shooting injured a teenager in Medford.

*"KPTV's Lowell Deo," one of the more ubiquitous of KPTV's Phantom Army of correspondents, turned up for this story about Issaquah, Washington wanting to further restrict how close to schools registered sex offenders can live. The current law says they can be no closer than 1000 feet.

*In Tacoma, a 42 year-old woman was walking past a shipyard when a crane dropped something on her. Man, if I had a dollar for every time that happened to me!

Break.

America Tonight

*There was a bomb scare in the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, D.C. Naturally, the story had to emphasize how "close" the hotel is to the White House. It's several blocks from the Pale Palace, so realistically there was no danger to 1600. Facts. Who needs 'em? Anyway, the "bomb" turned out to be a fake.

*There was a tornado on Long Island, New York. A TORNADO ON LONG ISLAND? What the hell is going on with the weather?

*Fraternities and sororities at the university in Birmingham, Alabama Natalee Holloway was planning on attending in the Fall are putting together a memorial to her. Outside of the creepy weasels at Fox News Channel, Natalee seems to have fallen off the national radar screen, hasn't she? People, when we cease obsessing over our Missing White Women, the terrorists win.

*That wacky gator is still on the loose in Harbor City, California. See, who says KPTV doesn't focus on the important stuff? Well, ME, for starters.

*10 wolves were captured in Jefferson County, Missouri. In a perfect example of why some people think the Red States are a wee bit odd, someone was keeping the animals as pets. Another someone thought it would be great sport to cut the fence surrounding the property and lo and behold, the wolves ran off, in that way that wolves have.

World Tonight

*"KPTV's Tim Rury" [sp?] told us about deadly air crash near Marathon, Greece. A passenger plane hit a mountain, killing all 121 aboard. Although it isn't know yet what caused the crash, terrorism is not suspected. One of the pilots is said to have been observed slumped over the wheel before the crash, although since everyone onboard is dead, my question is, exactly who reported seeing that?

*All Israelis are supposed to leave the Gaza Strip by Wednesday. The KPTV story didn't mention this, but the Israeli Army is going door-to-door handing out eviction notices, although some settlers there are planning on resisting. That should get pretty ugly.

Fight For Iraq

*A car bomb in Iraq killed 1 and injured 4.

*Another bomb in Iraq killed a Marine.

*The deadline for the new Iraqi constitution, set for Monday, may have to be extended as there is still squabbling over details.

*Gold Star mother Cindy Sheehan, conducting a vigil in Crawford, Texas where President Bush is vacationing, has been joined by many others. We saw tape of local Portland people who support her as well.

Break.

War On Terror

*The state of Maryland recently conducted some bio-terror drills. Nationally, it was reported, more medicines are needed to combat a possible biological attack. $5.5 billion has been allocated for Project Bio Shield. I don't know about you, but I only start to panic when the government comes up with one of those macho nicknames.

*2 Canadians were arrested at the border trying to re-enter Canada with a cache of American guns. Canada has much more restrictive laws against guns than America does.

*Things are getting a wee bit testy in Iran. There were pro-nuclear protests there over the weekend. Iran has been ramping up its uranium development program. The Iranian government claims the uranium is for energy, not weapons. George Bush has expressed disbelief about that, by which I mean he's basically said they're full of shit. Keep your eye on this one. I'm guessing that Tehran will be the new Baghdad of 2006.

Break.

The Spratlin family of Southeast Portland had a fire in their home on Father's Day. David Wilson was on tape to explain to us how smoke damage can be more destructive than the actual fire. Let that be a lesson to you.

The 2005 Bite of Oregon wrapped up on Sunday. Pete Ferryman and Hilary Hutcheson, of the ever-changing hair, were forced to work Sunday to amuse the famished rabble at the Bite, as we saw on tape.

Weather. Break.

Final Cut

*Oh man! Throw a cigarette butt out the window of your car in Washington State and receive a $1200 fine. It's to combat wildfires, of course. It will do nothing of the kind, but down the road we'll almost certainly get a story about someone who is pissed because they got this heavy-duty fine. Among the locals who support this new law, we got a peek at Thomas Franz, who looked as though he was auditioning for the part of Teenage Jesus in a low-budget independent movie.

Pump Patrol

*Gas in Portland averaged $2.48/gallon on Sunday, up 2 cents from Saturday.

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*Hmm, who chided KPTV last night for not doing a story about the body armor worn by American troops in Iraq still not being good enough to resist the bombs used by the insurgency? Why, that would be your humble correspondent, me. "KPTV's Kelly Wright" told us that the ceramic plates in the current armor is being replaced but it's slow going because the new plates are made mostly by cottage industries. May I ask why such a vital thing is being made by Mom and Pop businesses, if they don't have the capacity to produce them in sufficient quantity? Something smells odd about that to me.

*The military says that "payday loan" companies are preying on troops and their families, putting them in deep debt with their high interest rates. Of course, this problem could be alleviated by simply paying our military members more, but there I go being logical again.

*Love Behind Bars. With 2 wars still going on, many people being laid off and gasoline prices at an all-time high, you wouldn't think that there would be time on a "news" show to talk about women who fall in love with death row inmates, but I guess that's why I'm not a news producer. Two women who have written books about this vital subject talked about it. One of them was a psychologist or psychiatrist (I forget) and the other was a woman who was actually married to a guy on the inside. Well, at least when you're married to a guy on Death Row, you never have to ask him, "So, where were you last night?" Plus, you don't have to worry about him sleeping with any of your girlfriends. You do, however, have to worry about your hubby being sold for cigarettes. This classic piece of journalism was brought to us by "KPTV's Adora Udoji" (I really had to guess at the spelling on that one).

*You mean to tell me that raising a baby costs money? For the benefit of anyone who is so friggin' stupid that they never realized that, we got a story about Babies and Finances. We learned that a baby can cost about $11,000 in his/her first year and that 50% of families haven't made a "baby budget."

*This is why I hate Yuppies. "KPTV's Dan Simon" told us about "pre-school tutors." Anyone who treats their child as some kind of pink bling-bling lifestyle accessory should hand the kid over to Angelina Jolie for adoption and never contact the kid again. Seriously, what is wrong with you rich people?? Let a little kid be a little kid, for Chrisssakes! The pressure of the world will envelop your offspring soon enough without you spending $40-$45 an hour for a tutor from Sylvan Learning Center for your 4 year-old. Oh, Hilary, coming out of this story, called him "DAVID Simon." Gosh, you'd think she'd know his name, seeing as how he "works" for KPTV and all.

Hollywood Buzz

The top movies at the box office this weekend were:

1. Four Brothers
2. Skeleton Key
3. Dukes of Hazzard

*Lastly, there was a record turnout for the Providence Bridge Pedal on Sunday. Does this mean we won't have to hear about this damn thing for another year?

Inexplicably, there was no Countdown Clock on the Final Cut tonight.

WHAT KPTV DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT TONIGHT (a sampling):

*This story may have broken after KPTV's 10 o'clock "news" show aired, but it turns out that the "bomb" that was found in a hotel a few blocks from the White House was a training device owned by a Secret Service contractor, according to CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/08/14/hotel.package/index.html

*A veteran recently named "Marine of the Year" is charged with attempted murder after firing a shotgun at a crowd outside a nightclub next to his home.: Click here.