Sunday, July 10, 2005

The Mrs. and I were at Cape Kiwanda, Pacific City on Sunday, just hanging around. On the way down the road, we saw a Coast Guard chopper heading South. We knew from the scanner that a middle-aged couple had been sighted apparently stranded on some rocks at the Cape. When we got to the parking lot at the beach at Kiwanda, I whipped out the digital camera and got some nice shots of the chopper hovering over the beach and cape.

Back home, I sent three of the best shots to KGW, KOIN and KPTV via their "newstips" email addresses. KOIN got back to me almost immediately to ask for further details. Neither of the other two stations responded. I had high hopes that one or more of my pictures would show up on the news, but as far as I know, none of them did. That may have to do with the fact that the search turned up nothing; the couple may have gotten off the rocks themselves before the Coast Guard showed up. No bodies, no news, I guess. Eh, whatever. Anyway, back to the work at hand.

Top Story: Unsolved Mystery (and who doesn't love one of those?) The body of a man was found in Lewis and Clark State Park near Troutdale. Homicide? Nobody knows, but why let that get in the way of idle speculation? Speaking of idle speculation, this story featured the unimpeded-by-any-actual-knowledge bloviation of several people who happened to pass nearby the KPTV camera. We were promised the initial details (or "deets" as the kids say) of the autopsy tomorrow.

There was a murder/suicide in King City. A husband and wife, both of whom had been sick lately, were involved. Nah, we don't need a national health care program.

The suspect in a murder in Cowlitz was in court. Since it was Sunday, the court appearance almost certainly happened on Friday, but that whole "punctual" thing is so outre.

Will there be a new prison in Gresham? The Powers That Be (their actual title) are proposing that one be built on the current site of the local Flea Market, but others have different sites in mind, including a lot almost right next to the police station. Why you would consider another site when you have one perfectly situated next to the cops, I have no idea, but they're going to kick this all around at a meeting on Monday evening.

That fire at the Dollar Warehouse on Sandy Blvd. the other night has been ruled an arson. No one has been charged with the crime yet. Although we were told at the time that the inventory of the store was in the basement and mostly untouched by the fire, tonight we were informed that there was a loss of $800, 000 worth of merchandise.

Speaking of firebugs, there were two arsons in Kelso about an hour apart. Police suspect foul play.

Drink up, Fairviewvians (or whatever you call people from Fairview). Your water will no longer sap and impurify your precious bodily fluids. The E. Coli, she is gone! You should run your faucet for five minutes before drinking from it and trash any old ice cubes, though.

A Yamhill man has been missing for 2 weeks.

A young girl in Beaverton who was missing for 4 days has been found.

A patient at the state psychiatric hospital in Portland has gone AWOL. He answers to the name "Rasputin." (If you saw this guy's picture, you'd get that joke.)

Next we got a recap of the story about the kidnapping in Albany from the other day. Nothing new to report, apparently.

Matthew Som hit a deputy and has been charged with DUII.

A law to give tax breaks to new businesses which locate in low-population areas of Oregon is going to the governor for his signature.

Northwest Tonight

*The body of a young boy found in Montana has been identified as Dylan Groene, the brother of the girl found eating in a Denny's restaurant with her captor the other day.

I don't know if this was supposed to be part of Northwest Tonight or not (it's kind of hard to tell when some of the KPTV "news" segments end). There's a "mini-rental boom" in Eugene because of the demand for housing by students.

Break.

America Tonight (which wants you to know that it is not News Across America under a different name. How can you even confuse the two? Sheesh.)

*Hurricane Dennis is slamming Alabama and Florida.

*Some local Portland-area do-gooders are heading to Alabama and Florida to help the afflicted people.

*Some American dive teams are going to Aruba to help the search for Natalee Holloway, AKA The Girl Who Dominated The News A Few Weeks Ago But Who Is Now Apparently Not So Important Anymore For Some Reason.

*Two planes collided in the sky over "Lewis," Delaware (as the KPTV Chyron said). The correct spelling is Lewes. I did find references to Lewis, Delaware on Google but the town the show was held at was almost certainly the better-known Lewes. UPDATE: According to reports I found via Google News, it was Lewes.

World Tonight

*A pipe bomb went off in Turkey. 20 people were wounded.

*An airshow in Saskatoon, Canada ended in tragedy as two planes collided. Suddenly, naming the airshow team the Masters of Disaster doesn't seem like quite such a good idea anymore.

*Some guy from Medford has created what I'm sure seemed like a great idea to him: a Christian-themed video game. It looks like a regular adventure game but you run around "saving" people with the light beams that shoot out of your sword. 9 year-old game enthusiast Brendan Curran was lukewarm about the game. Why do you hate Jesus, Brendan?

The game's inventor used the usual tormented logic: the kids who committed murder at Columbine High School were into video games, therefore video games must be responsible for causing them to go nutzoid. As I've mentioned before, this "logic" can be shown to be faulty by pointing out that Christian Longo, Edward Morris and many other murderers were avid readers of the Bible. Using the video game/Columbine reasoning, that must mean that the Bible makes people kill. Nope, A preceding B does not prove that A caused B.

Break.

Fight For Iraq

*A string of attacks has left nearly 50 people dead in Iraq. Hey, Dick Cheney, want to take back that "last throes" thing yet?

War On Terror

*Work continues in London to get to some bodies still trapped in the rubble of Thursday's blasts. The authorities are going to comb through the video captured by some of London's 6000 (!) security cameras to see if they can find any of the bombers.

*In my home town of New York City, some people want to remove the planned cultural institutions from the Ground Zero site plans. They prefer that the whole thing be a memorial to those who died in the attack.

A Titan 2 missile is now on display at the Evergreen Air Museum in McMinnville. Ever wonder about how a small charter airline could afford to build a very large air museum? Or for that matter WHY a small charter airline would build a very large air museum? There has long been a rumor in Oregon that Evergreen Airlines is a front for the CIA. Two years ago, I asked a guy I know in New York City who worked as a P.R. person for Evergreen about that. He would neither confirm nor deny the rumor. Make of that what you wish.

Oh, by the way, Hilary Hutcheson's part was on the left side of her head tonight. That settles it, it IS a coded message to Al Qaeda!

Weather. Break.

Final Cut

*This story actually shocked me. It raised the very valid question of whether or not surveillance cameras actually help prevent crime. The point was made that they sure didn't prevent the bombing in London. Debra Gill was in David Freitas' usual spot in the KPTV "news" van for this one. The monitor visible behind her in the van was actually tuned to KPTV for a change.

*Pump Patrol. The average national price of gas over the weekend was $2.33, a new high. It is also 10 cents higher than two weeks ago. Locally, gas in Portland is $2.27 on average.

*Illegal immigrants who don't hail from Our Neighbor to the South, known as O.T.M. (Other Than Mexican) don't tend to return to court for their trials when they are released after arrest. Go figure.

*Crack addicts who can't pay for their drug of choice in Savannah, Georgia are giving the keys to their cars to their dealers. If they can come up with the money, they get their car back. If not, the dealer keeps the car and the owner reports it to the cops as stolen. All things considered, I don't think this is a higher "interest rate" than those pay day loan places charge.

*Veteran Portland TV news reporter Jim Hyde was forced, perhaps at gunpoint, to do a story about "Dental Bling." We saw videotape of some guy getting gold and diamond temporary tooth caps from a dentist in Englewood, New Jersey (a suburb of New York City). You too can look like "Jaws" from the James Bond movies for only $100-$150 per tooth. Godspeed, you freak!

Hollywood Buzz

*The Fantastic Four movie brought in $55 million over the weekend. It's a sensitive tale of a young girl's coming of age in a world gone mad. Oh, who am I kidding? It's a friggin' COMIC BOOK!

I guess there wasn't much celebrity-related crap to shovel tonight as that was it for Hollywood Buzz.

Streets of Speed. Ah, this old war horse again! Nothing says "ratings period" like pointing a camera at cars going too fast in a residential area. Good Morning, Oregon will have more in the AM.

I-Team 12 Cyber Sting. I stand corrected. Ye Olde Cyber Stinge says "ratings period" louder than Streets of Speed and KPTV didn't disappoint. Keri Tomlinson was on the scene to tell us about how KPTV rented a house and set up shop yet again with the Cyber Vigilantes known as Perverted Justice (yes, really!) to try and catch some San Quentin Quail hunters (an old slang term for jailbait). Kevin of the P.J. team pretended to be 12 year-old "Cindy."

Soon enough, the KPTV hidden cameras caught 35 year-old Ron Lieb (I think that's the correct spelling. The Chyron had it as "Ron Lies" which I'm sure is wrong. Keri Tomlinson sounded like she was saying "Ron Lieb" to me but kptv.com is no help. I can't find any reference to him under either spelling on it.)

Oh, this guy is a charmer, ladies! He's 35 and says he's a Special Olympian. Talk about your surefire pick-up line! I don't know about you but when I think of the Special Olympics, I think of kids in wheelchairs and the retarded. This guy was no Jeopardy champion, to be sure, but he didn't seem mentally challenged in the clinical sense. He apparently said he's ADHD. Anyway, his online name is The King Of Lovemaking. Yes, really. When he saw the KPTV camera, he ran like a rabbit. Later, he apparently contacted the station to "explain" his presence at the home of what he thought was a horny 12 year-old girl.

OK, get this. He admitted to talking to the "girl" online, but said he didn't ask for sex. The transcript said otherwise. So, what was he doing at "her" house? Well, that's simple. He decided to go visit some houses chosen at random and just happened to show up at the one "occupied" by the fake "girl." Hey, it could happen to anyone!

This part was funny, too. They said that his ex-girlfriend (and mother of his child) didn't want to be identified so they showed her in silhouette but they said her name was Candy Lee. So, assuming that's her real name, where's the anonymity? She's disgusted by him (which is saying a lot as having sex with this mutant would require a strong constitution). His current fiance says he shouldn't have asked the imaginary girl for a blowjob (yes, they used the word again) but she stands by her man. There will be more about this story this week. I'm on record as saying that I think the whole hidden camera/Perverted Justice thing is sleazy, but this guy was amusing, in that if-he-did-it-to-my-kid-I'd-bash-his-head-in kind of way.

Hilary ended with 39 seconds left on the Still Inscrutable Countdown Clock, a new record, I believe.

WHAT KPTV DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT TONIGHT (a sampling):

*Top presidential adviser Karl Rove was the anonymous source who released a Time reporter from his promise of confidentiality, allowing the journalist to avoid jail, Newsweek says. Oh, this is gonna get good!

*According to a leaked British government document, the U.S. plans to reduce the number of troops in Iraq by 50% by early 2006. This would contradict previous statements by Bush administration officials. Oopsie.

*As far as I know, KPTV has said not one word about a company owned in large part by the Chinese government wanting to buy the American oil company Unocal.